Jimmy Hoffa is Buried, Ummm... in My Back Yard...

[Venter]

I see that they are once again searching in a field around Detroit for the remains of Jimmy Hoffa.
Well, I can save them some effort, because I know where he is.
Yeah, umm, my wife told me.

Evidently, I think he was buried over there by the shed.

No, on the South side of the shed, the area with the best sun... I mean light.
Somewhere between these stakes and those - yeah, somewhere around 20' wide by 40' long.

He wasn't buried to deeply either - about 9"-12" from what I was informed.
Check carefully for bones, but please don't take the dirt with you (unless you replace it with topsoil).
And, you might want to break it up real nice before you fill it all back in, and throw some of this lime in there just in case.
But don't go outside those boundaries, that's where my wife just put the other... I mean, that's where we have a garden.

Hmmm, I could have SWORN that's where he was.
Let's see...
Oh yeah, now I remember!
In my basement!
That's it...

I know it seems strange, but you see, the proof is that my cellar floor is only about 5 feet from the ceiling.
That means that is obviously the place they buried Hoffa - it must have been filled in and cemented about 30" to 36" higher - with a slight slant toward that corner.
You'd better REMOVE all of that dirt (so you can sift through it outside)... and when you're done sifting it, you can place it over there next to the other garden... uhh, I mean plot you just dug.
And don't forget the Dutch Drain when you re-concrete the cellar floor.

Sorry for all of your trouble.
I could have sworn...

Damn, I don't know how I could have been so far off - I think I had the map reversed
Here's the spot.
You may need a backhoe and dumptruck for this one though.
Okay, so down here, he's about 15' to 20' deep, in this 60' x 80' area.
Yeah, I know, it's pretty wet, sorry about that.
Don't bother replacing the dirt, just leave the hole when the water fills it up.

Thanks... I mean, I sorry to have troubled you. 


 

[lifesaver]

This reminds me of a joke I heard some time ago.  

A father wrote to his son, who was in prison.  He said he wanted to plant the garden but didn't know if would be able to since his son wasn't there to help him.  The son wrote back.  "Dad, DON'T plant the garden.  That's where I buried the bodies."  A few weeks later Dad wrote back and said a few days later there was all kinds of people and equipment there digging up the area.  So now he could plant the garden and thanked the son.  The son wrote back and said "You're welcome!  It's the best I could do under the circumstances."  

[davew]

What a surprise, they called off the search. I love that they described the guy as "absolutely dead certain" or whatever term they used for how sure the guy was that the body was there despite the fact he didn't say he knocked off hoffa.

50 years from now, there will still be stories about the latest place being turned over in search of hoffa.

[Alex Oreilly]

Maybe they should just check Giants Stadium, section 107. I believe that is another place they said he was but nobody ever checked it.

[ballpienhammer]

Venter, that okra you see popping thru the dirt is some reb soldier's right pinkie! Don't eat it!; Those damn Confederates never washed their hands!